Let's converse
by Magnificent Aurora
Summary: Who would've thought that L's hyperactive-sugar-mode along with a frustrated and sleepy Light would lead to an endless late night conversation? No spoilers.


_This is raw dialogue between L and Light regarding various subjects during the amnesia arc and doesn't include narration. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it, and trust me, it **is** serious._

_..._

"Light-kun, are you sleeping? Light-kun?"

"Hmm.. What do you.. want.. Ryuzaki.."

"I was wondering about something which I believe you would find of substance, Light-kun."

"I wish you'd stop with the meaningless preambles and get to the point already."

"Very well. Have you ever wondered what would Kira's reaction be if he were to be caught at last? Do you think he would actually beg for his life?"

"This is pointless, Ryuzaki. It should be a well-known fact by now that Kira's too proud to beg anyone for his life, and too intelligent not to do it while fully knowing that it won't actually change his executioners' mind."

"That is true, Light-kun. However, what I can conclude from Kira's behavior is that he goes to full lengths to secure his life and at all costs necessary, which means it wouldn't be so unlikely if he were to aim for protecting his life one more time even after having himself captured."

"Even so, Ryuzaki, why does it matter? How would this alter any event of the time being? Are you trying to illustrate some kind of internal profile on Kira?"

"But you know that I always do that, Light-kun."

"Right, which is why I fail to see why would this aimless theory-making -or whatever is it that you do- serve to create anything of real substance."

"I was merely speculating, Light-kun. I believe that gauging Kira's behavior thoroughly by analyzing Kira's past actions and dwelling upon theories on his hypothetical actions at the same time serves to build up a clear and well-shaped profile of Kira's personality because it is essential that we know how our target thinks and therefore which motives drive him to act. It would be as good as pointless to try and catch something you don't know how exactly it functions- and I would give credit to Kira for allowing us to construct that profile of his, as all of our current deductions are based on gathered information from his own actions, therefore he had been the one to show us how he works, at least partially. What I'm trying to say, Light-kun, is that it is indisputably indispensable that the detective examine the mind of his target from all angles because believe it or not, cold data and mere occurrences are not enough in order to pursue the target; it is necessary to get into the depths of that mind to some extent, and try to work out the reasoning which would lead to outcomes and alternatives thereof."

"Ryuzaki.. All this while you have been forward with your obsession over Kira, but I have never thought you considered it this important to make your way to Kira's mind.."

"But of course, Light-kun, it is important. As I've said, it is a necessary part of the job; to know how that mind works, what does it think, what would it do.."

"Is it just me or.. are you getting yourself involved somehow?"

"How does Light-kun mean?"

"I mean, as in.. You have always been rather lethargic, Ryuzaki.. At least to most things. I know the only thing that actually piques your interest is your job, but you were never particularly interested by one individual, at least not one I've known of."

"That is not true, I am interested by Light-kun himself, as it would appear."

"Well, besides that.. I just can't picture you bothering with trying to figure out how one person thinks and acts to such extent, I know it is 'necessary for the job' and all but.. You seem to be a little too involved, if you ask me."

"It is only normal for me to be like this since I have already risked my life by taking this case, therefore I am naturally willing to sacrifice all of my time and effort and to devote my piece of mind to catch Kira, which would lead to being inevitably personally and mentally involved, as you say."

"Yes, but I don't think you have ever actually spared interest on one of your previous targets or even cared about them, am I right?"

"That is correct. All my life I have been psychologically and emotionally distanced from my work, which has made it effective in the first place. In order to be a successful detective, there mustn't be any bonds attaching you, Light-kun. Indifference means power, as you won't be prone to any harm or danger getting in your way. It makes you _stronger_, Light-kun. You don't owe anyone a thing, and most importantly, you don't need anyone in your life. You don't have obligations towards anyone or anything, obligations which would cross ways with your freedom. That is part of the reason why I have been intentionally preventing myself from getting too involved; to do the job because it is my duty, to sentence criminals to justice because it is the right thing to do.. These are all inane principles to me. I don't go by these laws, Light-kun, simply because they would be the destruction of me, they would subject me to harm one way or the other.."

"And you consider your life too precious to allow that to happen to you."

"It would seem arrogant of me, but yes, that is the truth. I don't want to die, Light-kun. Even if I'm fully aware that by agreeing to take this case and by publicly threatening Kira in such fashion I can possibly die at any second of any minute of any hour of the day- I have agreed to take this challenge and I won't be backing off because I hate losing. And even if it means my death, my pride comes before everything else, as opposed to Kira himself. But my life comes after my pride, which means I give it a good deal of importance as well."

"I understand your reasoning, Ryuzaki, but.. Haven't you thought that this path you have chosen for yourself is rather.. a selfish one? Unethical? Hypocritical? Haven't these words ever crossed your mind? I am not judging you, Ryuzaki, I'm just wondering if you've ever considered this to be wrong, despite all the advantages it gives, if you've ever perceived it as unfair to the rest of the people who would be there to catalyze your actions and the way with which you carry on your judgment? Wouldn't there be people who would take the shot? Wouldn't your behavior somehow have consequences on your entourage, if not on yourself?"

"Yes, Light-kun, I have actually considered that, and I am well aware of the consequences, but I don't care. That's just who I am, Light-kun. I know I told you that I have to keep myself indifferent towards work in order to prevent any damage on my life and my sanity, but it is only easy for me to do that because I am naturally uninterested in people, and I believe the same applies to you, Light-kun. I don't feign disinterest. If I once decided to start being caring I would be as good as dead and that would only mean I will be losing the battle. I know it is extremely selfish of me but I do not try to change who I am because I am offering the world something in return, which is locking criminals behind bars. It is the law of retaliation and everyone deserves it, and unlike Kira, I execute my job and my proceedings in an organized manner and under the law's approval."

"But that is only superficial, Ryuzaki. You don't truly conduct your actions under the common laws of ethics and integrity; you resort to the most unconventional methods such as confining your suspects and torturing them, and even seeking out criminals' help to catch a criminal; these deeds go against morality, Ryuzaki. I know you allow yourself to do this because it is more effective but, I hardly see why would do this if your primary motive isn't greed for money; it has always been about winning the challenge to you, and I understand that, but that doesn't seem enough reason for me to abandon all morality regarding your work. Money has the power to blind minds, which is understandable, but winning the challenge as you suppose is just.. a bit harder to decipher."

"But that is what separates us intellectual ones from foolish human beings who do not seek anything but money and personal profit from life, don't you think? I suppose it is due to my intellect, then; possessing remarkable knowledge that makes the individual strive for something beyond simple life objectives.. I think that this is the force that has been guiding me all along, and to make this easier for you to understand: it is quite natural a person with an overdeveloped mind and of high intelligence would want to achieve what is much greater than what his surroundings hope for. So if we were to regard this issue as a whole, it becomes as simple as a mathematical equation: this person regards himself as superior than those around him, therefore he thinks he would be degrading himself or patronizing his intelligence in a way if he were to comply with their expectations. The only solution to his issue, frankly, is for him to reach something greater which would simultaneously satisfy him and prove his capabilities to the world. I think this case could be applied to both you and I, and possibly even Kira."

"I am quite aware of that, Ryuzaki. I don't disagree with what you said, however, I think there is something you have failed to understand: being a genius, as you are practically saying, does not excuse oneself of being completely heartless and ignoring the very basic rules of morality. It is safe to say that many people in history have possessed minds that are more brilliant than we can ever imagine, and these people have fully succeeded in achieving their goals by righteous means. I think that even though your intelligence is the main root for whatever path you have chosen in life, it would be safe to assume that your apathy and your self-centered personality are what's truly behind your actions."

"Let me ask you something, Light-kun. Do you think I have chosen to be self-centered? I mean, I cannot deny the fact that it is in my nature to be indifferent from the very start, but there must be some reason why I'm being obstinate on not revealing who I truly am to the world."

"I already know why, Ryuzaki. You want to secure your life. You think that showing who you truly are could threaten your life, therefore you refrain from human contact. It is as simple as that."

"That is true, Light-kun, but that is not what I'm trying to point at here. You said that I 'think' that revealing my identity would get me killed, whilst in reality, it is a given fact that doing so would get me killed, which is something I have not chosen for myself. Let me put it this way: when a person proves to be much more successful than what has been initially expected of them, what do you think the public's reaction would be?"

"They would disapprove."

"Precisely. Having a lot of ability in one human being could prove to be dangerous, Light-kun. There are many people who are willing to step in your way and stop you from being successful, otherwise you will be a threat to their own success. Seeing how society's modern systems and structures are working, it wouldn't take a near genius to guess that whoever wants to create a name for themselves will be automatically and without a doubt controlled or possibly even manipulated. Therefore, it mustn't strike you as surprising if these forces are even willing to eliminate their threats, and by simple arithmetics, a bigger threat means a more likely chance of elimination. Think about it, Light-kun; if I were to reveal myself, it wouldn't take criminals a second thought to decide to kill me because given my abilities, I will be a potential threat to their plans. This is why I am forced to hide my identity, not because I am too shy or overprotective of my life- no. However, I was the one to choose my line of work because it is possibly the only way to satisfy my curiosity and to challenge my potential, therefore I must agree to the conditions and handle their consequences; one of these is having to forfeit social life altogether."

"If truly so, then how great your burden must be.. It is certainly not fair to you, having to give up what identifies you as a human being with emotions merely because you want to make good in the world.. It is ironic and pathetic."

"Yes, it is, but I don't mind it. This line of work has taught me better than anyone that this world is rotten and cruel, so realistically speaking, it is only natural that the ones with the darker powers, or evil people as we like to call them, would always cross ways face-to-face with the good ones, namely Justice. Either way, there is one thing we should always know; if these criminals did not exist, if evil did not exist, there would be no place for us to battle against it. These criminals are what's keeping me in my current position and offering a challenge to my intellect. Without them, I would not be functioning correctly. I would be bored, and I think you know well enough what that word means. To me, a painful life is better than an empty one, which is why I choose to accept this burden as long as I can keep myself entertained and make something productive out of my existence."

"I have to say, though, this is the first crucial piece of information about yourself that you have ever given me."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah, and you were right about stating that you are similar to Kira once."

"What makes you think that?"

"You specifically told me that you do agree to take on whatever burden for the sake of keeping yourself entertained, and I believe that Kira thinks exactly the same."

"Why? Are you Kira?"

"No! Ryuzaki, the similarity is quite clear. Whilst I am not Kira himself, I cannot say for certain who this individual is and what are his exact motives, but I think we would be safe in assuming that he has sacrificed something in order to realize the common good as his actions are showing. The most obvious thing to come to mind would certainly be his time and his effort, seeing that his killing method is yet beyond our knowledge and is clearly viewed as something beyond the laws of physics and even simple logic."

"Yes, but a difference is yet present, Light-kun. The productivity of Kira's actions is questionable, no matter which way you choose to see it. Crime's rate in the world has remarkably dropped by several notches, but the damage done to those who are innocent is too much heavy for it to be overlooked. And regardless of whatever you choose to say about the hypocrisy of my actions, I still concoct them according to the law, no matter how flawed said law is. The difference with Kira is that what he does is unorganized and unfitting to society, which would ultimately and without a doubt lead to his pursuit."

"But.. Ryuzaki, the productivity of your actions is not exactly immune to flaws either, as I have already stated."

"Yes, but why even bother to compare my own misdeeds to Kira's? It is quite obvious that at the end of the day, it is Kira who has caused a tremendous damage. And I'm not saying this because I'm being exceedingly proud or view myself as superior to Kira; I am stating a fact, Light-kun. Never in the human history did we witness such mysterious power and such destruction. In the larger scope of things, a few sacrifices I've chosen to give in are nothing compared to the devastation Kira has created in society and the fear he has installed in everyone's heart. This is why I think that this burden he has chosen for himself is almost fruitless, seeing that what he's trying to achieve is not even close to being one hundred percent righteous in itself."

"Perhaps you're right, Ryuzaki.. but there is one thing you forgot to mention."

"What?"

"That without Kira, there would be no challenge."

_..._

_A/N: Hey, look at that; the ending is lame and the dialogue has gotten out of my grasp that I'm not even sure if it has truly ended or not. Sorry for that._

_Anyway, PLEASE humor me with your kind and lovely reviews and tell me if you've enjoyed reading this conversation! I'm welcoming any criticism and whatever you want to say, as long as I find reviews. Opinions on characterization are highly encouraged, and I'd also be grateful if you could provide me with any ideas you can think of for future conversations because it appears that I love writing dialogue, specially when the characters are genii. Thank you so much for reading._


End file.
